Come check out the new digs!

‘Oh my gosh!’ I thought. It seems to be a common reaction from me whenever I see a full body reflection, but I’ve deemed the seated profile is worse than any other. Now don’t think I’m putting myself down. That is not where I’m going with this, because when I see my full reflection there is not inner insults bouncing around. Instead, it breaks my heart to see the lady in the glass. She is not the reflection of who I am, and it’s frustrating that she keeps hanging around!

Looking at that reflection, filled out in the chair, stomach protruding upward like I might be pregnant. Of course I’m not. However, I am definitely bloated. Now I’ve debated about writing this post for a while. One because there is nothing different, I don’t think I’ve lost weight, although I have stepped on the scale since the last time I did a video. I know there is a difference in the bloating level by how my clothes fit, but that doesn’t mean I’ve gained any weight.

There are some things I need to deal with. I know I’m getting very discouraged by the image I see when I catch my full body reflection, and that humiliation I feel about going out into public is also returning. I go, but I don’t want people

Anyway, that’s about it for now, for here. There are a gazillion other things going on, but not relevant to weight loss. Just know I am still here. Now that our move is over I am hoping to become more consistent with the posts and videos again.

Yes, I want to be thinner! Every person with a desire to lose weight wants that. Though that has been my want, that want alone hasn’t brought success, and at times that reality is as frustrating as not seeing the scale continuously move down.

Now recently I have launched a new business, and I have realized that my desire and drive to see that business grow and succeed has been bigger than the drive I’ve had to lose weight. This new initiative is drawing all my available time and thought. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to lose weight; however, by comparing these two initiatives in my life, I realize confidence is much stronger in the business success. I also realize that my faith in capabilities for the business is stronger than faith in myself to do what it takes to lose the weight.

There’s an underlying sense of hopelessness about losing weight, and I think I know where that revolved from. Although their words don’t echo in my brain, and I don’t even think about what was said anymore, inner feelings (‘emotion’ memories from those moments when others blared inability opinion at me) resemble an inner sullenness from the hurtful words bantered at me.

When I wrote, “doesn’t it really rely on ‘how’ you’re thinking about what you want?” I was imposing to you that wanting alone isn’t enough, inner belief is more important. However, one can’t go without the other. Lately I have heard that term ‘Law of Attraction’ a lot, which is about drawing what you want to yourself from the universe by thinking about it. Most times I hear that in reference to success and money. Thought is only part of it, but from an inanimate universe?

Regardless from where you believe it comes, unwavering faith is required, because as soon as doubt or negative feelings enter in the final desired outcome encounters weakness. That weakness doesn’t mean I’m doubting the possibility of me losing weight, rather I struggle with ‘if’. It’s a trap involving a ‘Murphy’s Law’ mentality of, ‘anything that can go wrong will go wrong‘. Whoever the origninal ‘Murphy‘ was, he really should have kept those ideals himself.

Self-doubt and the notion that weight loss will ‘never‘ come make daily life distractions a welcome relief – sometimes. Losing weight is the hardest thing I have ever done, and that mental battle makes it even more frustrating.

Regardless, I need to push myself forcefully to drive the necessary actions that result in weight loss. I know that once the success gets rolling the defeating inner attitude will have less and less power over me. That’s where I have absolute confidence, I just have to push harder now to get the ball rolling. That will let the mini-me on the inside become the real me on the outside.

So, this is the first time work has caused me to drag my butt out of bed in the wee hours of the morning. The first couple of days were really rough! Monday I was off, and Tuesday wasn’t bad but I hit the wall (figuratively speaking) around 10:00 or 10:30 am. Wednesday was a completely new story. I fought the head bob at work, came to the same mid-morning wall, then when I got home I laid down with the headphones and laptop angled just right to participate in a webinar. It couldn’t have been five minutes and I was gone! Out like a light. Thursday, gave way to the same wall and fatigue at work. After arriving home I figured I was fine, next thing I know I wake up with my head on my arms and the arms crossed on the laptop. Another webinar partially missed.

Today I finally clued in to what the major obstacle has been. Sure, a shift change that makes me get up three hours earlier than I had been before, but to be THAT tired! I certainly was. Today I am still groggy but not to the same extent. Still, I know if I lay down now I would be out!

I haven’t done a spec of exercise, but I haven’t had the energy either. I am due for a video yet the fatigue has been toying with brain fogging treatments on my head. Yes, they sound like excuses, but I’m not complaining. After all, this can’t go on forever. Eventually I will adjust to the time change. What I really need to get on top of is the food intake and exercise. I haven’t been eating balanced at all. In fact, I just don’t feel hungry. Yet it occurred to me today that about one to two hours before the morning slump at work, I had a muffin and coffee (black). I bet you it’s the muffin that’s sending my sugar onto slippery slope. So, the key is to get my eating plan fixed and to exercise more. Yep, that was a repeat of what I wrote a moment ago.

Exercise is going to be tough, but I just got a new DVD. Sorry to Jillian fans, but jumping jacks on arthritis riddled knees is not for me. Maybe later when the muscles are stronger. The DVD I just got is called Intention and Power by Patricia Moreno. I got one of her videos through Avon and really like it, but her new Inten-Sati is even better. Positive affirmations with body work intensity. I watched through it this morning, and on the disc she asks that you make a 28 day commitment. So, that’s what I’m going to do. That’s my choice and it goes into effect Sunday.

The neglect is over … the fear is gone … the work really begins. Now will somebody stop the roller coaster at this point so I can stay on track?